Having a random hookup so left but love u
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
