I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
