Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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