You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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