A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
