I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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