i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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