We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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