I wanna bring you to show and tell
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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