Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
