I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
