My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
