I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The air was thick with penises
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
