yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You made out with two different species that night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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