my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
