Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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