So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
