you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
