Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is Oprah even human
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
