he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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