You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
