Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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