TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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