hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
