You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
