Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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