The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize