I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
