I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
