i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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