Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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