While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
