I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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