Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
