Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I deserve this hangover.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
