I'm passing your future prison.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
