man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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