So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
