If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
