Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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