i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
