Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
