If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
