I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
