New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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