Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
