If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize