I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
