yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
