Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
