I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
