so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
