I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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