I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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