Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
