let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
