New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
