The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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