This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
