Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
