she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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