she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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