You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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