Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize