I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
