you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
